Ask yourself, do you allow yourself to enjoy? Work, children, housework… we always have something to do, our schedule is full of obligations. How much of your day is really for you? “They have taught us to live very quickly, and in many cases, to prioritize the needs of others over our own. This prevents us from enjoying ourselves and is also harmful to our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health ” , explains Rut Nieves, author of the book You were born to enjoy (Ed. Planeta). Going to dinner with your friends, getting your manicures done, asking your partner for an afternoon off to stay at home watching a series… these are situations in which we prioritize our pleasure, but when we do, we feel guilty. Rut Nieves is blunt:"We have to re-educate ourselves and teach ourselves that we deserve to enjoy, experience pleasure and learn to feel at peace with it."
Signs that you are not enjoying it enough
- You are unable to disconnect. Your brain does not stop planning, worrying and solving problems.
- You feel overwhelmed. Day to day is too much, as if you are juggling.
- You jump to the minimum. Everything seems irritating to you and it seems that the world is against you.
- Pain and discomfort Pain for its own sake is not normal. If you notice any changes in your body go to the doctor now.
- You cancel plans. Not the ones you are lazy to go to, but you postpone a medical visit because you have other things to do, for example.
Learn to take care of yourself
You may think that you do not have time, but it is not like that, we simply maintain acquired habits. The time for you does not arise spontaneously, but you have to look for it. Make a list of seven things you like to do, they do n't have to be big projects: have a coffee reading a magazine, put on a mask, go for a walk, go shopping for yourself … When you have seven, assign one to each day of the week with its corresponding time. And above all, keep it: these appointments with yourself are equal or more important than going shopping.
Identify the little things that make you happy and incorporate them into your daily routine.
And where do I get the time?
Okay, so what do I stop doing to make time for myself? We need to change our beliefs and put ourselves in the center. You have to be your priority, no matter how much you have a job, a partner and a family to take care of. It is not that you neglect them, but that from now on you are also important. Be honest with yourself and make decisions about your life. Sure there are tasks that you can share with your partner or other people; If you hate your job or it takes away too many hours, try to change; that your house is always perfect is not a necessity; Or even ask yourself if you want to go to all your social engagements. And remember, as Ana Kovacs, a perinatal psychologist, says , “when one says no, others may get angry. That is taking the consequences. It is very difficult to please others and you at the same time ”.
Attitudes that prevent you from enjoying
- Guilt. Nothing we do seems enough. "Should" is a word that must be eradicated from our language. You are not responsible for anyone's happiness, only yours.
- Don't ask for help. People are not designed to be self-sufficient, you don't have to carry everything. In the same way that you don't mind helping others, ask the same for yourself.
- Talk bad to you. We tend to make our internal dialogue based on reproaches: I did this wrong, so and so is prettier than me, I could have tried harder… As they say, talk to yourself like your best friend would.
- Don't make decisions. It is the main weapon to combat the feeling of guilt. Decide what you want to do and what not, and be consistent. You will not please everyone, but your schedule and your well-being will appreciate it.
- Not knowing you. Knowing what you are like and detecting your automatic behaviors avoids precisely that, acting on automatic pilot. It is about understanding the why of everything you do and think. It is the first step to be more secure and take care of ourselves emotionally.
- Please others. Behind trying to keep everyone happy is that the approval of others directs our lives. If you put the wishes of others before your own, you are creating a breeding ground for resentment, burden, guilt and pressure.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish
In recent years, the concept of emotional self-care has started to sound strongly in the field of mental health. Along these lines, we find books such as Kindfulness, by Padraig O'Morain (Roca Editorial), or Proyecto Self-care, by Jayne Hardy (Ed. Zenith). Self-care is not based on taking a shower every day or eating well - we take this for granted - but on loving yourself enough to take care of yourself. If you do not have a good enough concept of yourself, you may let others take advantage of you or you may pour all your energy into the well-being of others and there is no energy left for yours. So the first step is to give yourself the courage you deserve: you are fantastic and enough.
Ideas to enjoy for all tastes
- Have breakfast reading
- fresh flowers
- Cook your favorite dish
- Go to the cinema by yourself
- Get a manicure
- Give you a massage
- Enjoy a bath, candles and music
- Stretch 3 minutes when you get up
- Turn off your mobile for an entire afternoon
- Take a nap
- Paint, write, draw
- Walk 30 minutes in a park
- Say no 3 times a day
- Call your mother, sister, or friend
- Go out to dinner with your friends
