Mental burden is the act of being aware of everything, of being the final responsible for what happens in your house. It is having your brain constantly busy not forgetting anything, like a central computer that makes everything work. It is much more common in women who have children.
Why is it feminine? Because to a large extent there is an unequal distribution of household chores between men and women. According to the 2017 Eurobarometer on Gender Equality, 44% of Europeans believe that the main role of women is to take care of the home.
And if we add to this that, in recent years, most women have entered the world of work with the same intensity as men, but that our responsibilities at home have not diminished, the result is exhausting.
Are you mentally charged?
- You make mental lists of all your tasks.
- Things to do are never finished.
- At home, the one who plans what you eat is you.
- You run from work when your kids are sick.
- Your partner often utters the phrase: "You didn't ask me!"
If you have said yes to at least 3 options, you may suffer from female mental load syndrome. Easy, you are not the only one.
According to a P&G study, 71% of women in Spain suffer from mental overload
Goodbye, superwoman; Hello woman
Being the best mother, the best professional, a passionate lover, taking care of yourself and keeping up with current affairs … It seems that we have to be superwoman. The journalist Samanta Villar, who has written the book The female mental load with Sara Brun , explains it very well: “The superwoman poster is a scam like the glass of a pine tree … how are we so stupid? We must begin to claim that we are fallible, not infallible. The cool thing is to be imperfect, to know how to say no, to have space for ourselves. We are human ”.
Consequences of mental load
According to coach Marie-Laure Monneret, author of the book The mental load feels terrible to me, this is what can happen to you.
- Stress. To the work, is added that of being the thinkers of everything that must be done to make the house work and, many times, carry it out.
- Relationship problems. As we get frustrated, we stop expressing what we feel and even value the things that the couple does. It is very easy to fall into passive-aggressive behavior.
- Difficulty concentrating. When you take care of everything at once, you don't pay attention to anything. Being multitaskers is not productive and it is also exhausting.
- Glass roof. As you are the one who has to leave first if you have to take the children to the doctor or interviews with the teachers …, it is easy for your work to be damaged. They may not be counting on you for a promotion, for example. It's sad, but that's the way it is in most companies.
- Loss of self-confidence. You have the feeling that nothing is ever enough at home or at work.
CLARA Council
Nothing happens if …
Your house is not always super clean and tidy, someone criticizes you because you have not done this or that, if you go away for a weekend with your friends, or if it is your partner who takes the child to the doctor.
How to ease the mental burden
Ana Kovacs, a maternity psychologist and member of the Spanish Association of Perinatal Psychology, points out the keys so that your mental load can be diluted.
- Analyze yourself as a person. Being complacent, overly perfectionist, and controlling are common traits of more mentally charged people. Recognizing it is the first step to stop being it. The articles of our psychologist Rafa Santandreu can help you a lot.
- No one guesses what you think. We know that it is very angry when your partner says “You haven't asked me!”, But you have to ask. Sit down to see the needs of your family and distribute them equally. Communication is essential.
- Delegate 100%. It is useless for your partner to go shopping if you write the list. Allow the tasks you decide to be your responsibility. Her way of making sure that it is also good, and if not, you will adjust little by little.
- More tolerance. If you have decided that you want to enjoy life more and be less stressed, you have to assume that then not everything will be done as you want. Don't override the other person, just set a minimum.
And if you want to know more curiosities about how you are, take the personality test and be surprised!
